Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
