I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it because I queefed?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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