She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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