My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
