no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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