this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
