u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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