Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
