he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
