his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
