too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
