i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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