I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
