between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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