I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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