i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize