Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
