Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
