Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
