yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
