your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is my gift to your gina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
