So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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