the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
