Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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