Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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