four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A bitchslap is in order.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
