I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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