i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
