Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
