a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
