I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it penis luge time yet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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