can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
