That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
