Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
another moral hangover. fuck.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
