Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
organizing the empties. That sober.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
