How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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