I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Found your dick twin last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
