I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize