everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
