everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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