If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize