beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
