Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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