Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think i have two assholes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
