I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
