The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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