I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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