I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
