and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
