Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You made out with two different species that night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
