you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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