No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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