PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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