i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
