god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't notice because vodka
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize