Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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