one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
