The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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