Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
