This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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