I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
