update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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