I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
God, I missed his penis.
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