After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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