That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
