my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
