Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
