We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So squirting runs in the family.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
