i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
