Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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