apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
