I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
