i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
